Why I Attend Church Without My Husband - by Karen Foote

From the Foote of the Cross 

Without a Word

The topic of woman attending church without their husbands’ came up in Sunday School a couple of weeks ago and I found it really ignited emotion in me.  I leaned over to the woman sitting next to me and said “I guess I am just a little passionate about this topic”. There are two main reasons for that passion:  

1.       I have been attending church regularly by myself for 16 of the 17 years I have been married.  The Lord has so greatly transformed me in these past 17 years that it has completely transformed my marriage.
2.             I, like most woman, thought that if the Lord would just “fix” my husband, family, and friends, I would be happy.

I regularly attended a Lutheran Church when I was growing up but stopped when I left for college. After getting married I turned back to church because I really wanted to understand God’s design for marriage.  I knew so many marriages that were struggling, including my own, and I wanted answers.  As a child of divorce, I wanted to get answers directly from the creator of marriage.

In the early years, I must admit that I would sit in church or do bible studies and I would think “Oh Lord, this lesson would be perfect for my husband”.  I failed to realize that it was really the perfect message was for me!  I soon learned that I had to force myself to focus on the only person that I could really change, and that was ME.  As I did that, amazing things happened!  As I changed, people (including my husband) started to respond to me differently.  I realized that a lot of the discord in my own life was of my own making. (Yes, that is hard to admit.)  

In 17 years, I have never nagged my husband and told him he had to go to church.  Why?  Well, there are two reasons:

1.        The Lord is a much better “Holy Spirit” than I am.
2.              Very early in our marriage the Lord led me to 1 Peter 3:1-3 (The NIV version, 1984): ¹ Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.

I chose the 1984 NIV since that was the actual version I used at that time.  I remember reading “without words” and it seemed very intriguing because I knew up to that point “my words” often seemed to make things worse so I decided to try it.  My husband knew I was going to church but otherwise he had no idea how much I was reading and studying the word. I never left books strategically lying around the house in the hopes he would read them. I took this scripture to mean, without a word and without any manipulation on my part. I wanted God to show that he could win my husband without me at all.

Church is something I do for me.  I find that I am a much nicer person to be around when I have spent time with fellow believers.  I have found their prayer support and fellowship to be irreplaceable.  Sunday School and Church have helped me to grow and deepen my relationship with the Lord.   I have also found that be extending myself and praying and giving to others I am richly rewarded.             

As the years have progressed the Lord has worked in both of our lives.  I know my husband has grown spiritually.  The Lord has provided me ways to see that growth.  He still does not attend church, yet he will watch TV ministers with and without me. And to tell you the truth, whether my husband attends church or not is between him and the Lord.  I will not have to answer to God for that, but I will have to answer for my own actions and what I have done to grow and become more like Christ.  I am just thinking that I don’t want to stand before God and blame my husband when I am more than able to get myself to church and seek God on my own. 

Written by: Karen E.Foote